DOGS RULES

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house.

 The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden

 compartment named, for a very good reason, the dog house.

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house but

only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house

 on a permanent basis provided his dog house can be

sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. In side the house, the dog is not

allowed to run free and is

 confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of

 a two-for-one deal in the yard

sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get up on the

old furniture but not on the new.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on

the new furniture until it looks like

 the old furniture and then we'll sell the

whole works and buy new furniture

on which the dog will most

definitely not be allowed on.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed.  Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the

foot of the bed only.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep

 alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep

under the covers but not with

his head on your pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep

 alongside you, under the covers

 with his head on your pillow, but if

 he snores, he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and

 have nightmares

in your bed, but he's not to come in and

sleep on the couch

in the TV room, where you're now

sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire

 as "primary resident," even if it's true.